Relationship Advice: How to Do Less and Receive More Love
We live in an age when women are stepping into their own power and are channeling their masculine sides. This is wonderful, but we need to make sure we’re not stepping on our feminine side to do so. At the basis of this relationship advice is the idea of how to balance the two. Embrace the divine feminine when we need to access our compassionate, receptive, intuitive side, and call upon the divine masculine when logic and action is needed.
How does doing less equal receiving more? The answer lies in observing and understanding the way that men and women inherently operate – the way that each gender thinks, emotes, and expresses. The simplest way to do this is to heed the main qualities of the yin and yang…
Although the essence of femininity is going with the flow, honoring silence, and “being” rather than “doing”, we women find ourselves scrambling to do so much that we’re rarely at peace with the inner need for stillness. Perhaps we feel a lack within ourselves, a restlessness in the soul, or a nagging assumption that we must match our male counterparts in their quest for action and dominance.
However, when we attempt to take on the masculine role in a relationship, our men inevitably feel threatened and inadequate. “Am I not a good provider?” “What if she finds someone better?” “What if she doesn’t need me anymore?” Men can’t help these thoughts from flooding the mind once the testosterone level drops. On a primitive level, he’s fearful that his mate will find a stronger, more protective male to bear children with.
The surge of confidence that can accompany the taste of independence is empowering, but it may subconsciously lead to a disowning of the female traits. True power is acknowledging and accepting both sides of the self, and knowing how and when to use the gifts that come with them. Just as it’s detrimental for feminists to stomp on men on their rise to the top, so, too, is it dangerous to shun from the dark and mysterious essence of the divine feminine in our thirst for sovereignty.
Less is More
Whenever possible, let your man do things for you. But first, it’s important to pause and take notice of the things he provides you with on a day-to-day basis. The things, perhaps, that are taken for granted or go unnoticed in the chaos of life. In observing, you may actually find that the less you ask of him, the more he gives to you. When you push or demand, he may be inclined to throw his hands up and leave you to your own devices.
Relationship advice: It’s all about coming back to the receptive side, where we find a sense of gratitude in knowing that we don’t have to go at it alone; that we have a partner who’s ready and willing to help and to be present. We must simply be open to receive (balancing our own hormones in doing so is an added bonus)! Asking for help and accepting it with gratitude is a strength, not a weakness.
Fight or Flight
In attempting to be more, do more, and ask for more, we may find ourselves stuck in survival mode, trying to get our needs met in ineffective ways. This often leads to anger or frustration. When a man is angry, he defaults to the automatic primitive brain. (Blood floor literally stops directing to the “human” part of his brain!) Needless to say, the reptilian brain isn’t interested in hearing about your feelings and hurts. Its main directive is survival, and rightly so. In primitive times, confrontation required a fight-or-flight reaction to real and present danger. When a man either 1) Lashes out, or 2) Withdraws, you can be sure that he’s feeling threatened and is instinctively trying to protect himself.
To make matters worse, if a female feels threatened, her testosterone rises, which places both parties in a place of fight-or-flight survival. Armed with this knowledge, we can get out of the victim and blaming mindset, and see the biological factors for what they are.
Relationship advice: Once we become aware of the facts of biology, we start to take things less personally. We start to realize that our bodies are miraculous factories that supply us with chemicals (hormones) in response to environment and stimuli.
Open Heart, Closed Mouth
Make sure that you’re leaving enough room for reflection and receptivity in conversation, as well; in the midst of an argument, many of us feel the urge to fill the silence. Women like to talk things through – it’s our way of getting things off our chest, and it lowers stress levels. However, talking in circles will only deepen the disconnect and make your man feel like darting for the nearest exit. As soon as a man goes silent, women tend to press for information. “What’s wrong?”, “Are you okay?”, “What do you think?”, “How do you feel?” Instead of using his silence as an invitation to accuse or inquire, use it as an opportunity to pause and receive. Take the temperature of the room, so to speak, and use your intuition to feel out his needs.
Relationship advice: Sometimes the answer is simply opening our hearts rather than our mouths. Once we open this unseen channel of communication – the heart connection between ourselves and a partner – we find that defenses start to drop as we begin to move away from the primitive mindset. This gives us an opportunity to rise to the occasion and channel the divine feminine; stepping into love and compassion as we “listen” and “receive” our partner on a soul level.
All You Need is Love
Relationships inspire us to become more whole. It’s in our interactions with a lover that we are nudged to step into a place of balance. We can only heal ourselves and become more fulfilled once we nurture our gifts and honor the gifts in our partner. We can’t rely on another person to act as another “half” of ourselves, but we can allow another person to awaken within us the parts of ourselves that have been dormant, shamed, or hidden.
Love is a very high-frequency emotion. Aside from the surge of hormones that accompany a first kiss, there exists an impression beyond the senses. This energy creates a glow, a spark, a radiance that cannot be paralleled. Allowing more love into your life illuminates it, infusing it with powerful energy. In giving each other the room to bloom, we find the answer to true connection and divinity. And that’s great relationship advice!
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